Life Begins At.....
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BANNER BANNER EMPLOYMENT BANNER BANNER Make positive changes from within By Dr Mary Casey Retirement is no doubt a time of change. It’s therefore a good time to think about how open we are to accepting change in our lives, and how we can make positive changes happen. I believe that change usually begins from within. As a society, we are creatures of habit. Ideas, beliefs and patterns that we have developed over our lifetime are so ingrained and feel so comfortable that either we refuse not to believe otherwise or we refuse to change them if they are proven to be wrong. We keep doing the same things over and over regardless of the fact that it maintains that which we don’t particularly like or want. We may complain about our situations but we don’t change them and even though by changing them we can create for ourselves peace, financial freedom and happiness, it somehow seems less stressful to maintain the status quo. Positive change is essential to personal growth, good health and happiness. It provides many choices. It is about taking risks. It’s about accepting yourself for who you are meant to be. It is also about breaking old habits that no longer work for you. Change is possible for everyone, regardless of age or circumstances. People are often too fearful or think it’s too late, or they don’t believe it’s possible. The old saying “When the student is ready, the teacher appears” is a very apt one. A really powerful thing to remember is that if you are trying to change someone else, you are only doing that as an excuse not to look at and change yourself. If, for instance, you are thinking: “If only my son would get a job, I would not have any stress in my life”, or “If only my partner would change and be happier and healthier, then I would be much happier too!” Let’s look at why we are so resistant to change. There can be many reasons. You may be in denial and don’t think that you need to change. We simply cannot change something that we are not aware of. Does any of the following ring true? • Is there something about your life or yourself that you want or need to change, and why? 124 THE RETIREE WINTER • Do you believe you can change? What are your thoughts on changing? • Do you think you may be a victim (“what about me” mentality) or chronically sick (“poor me”) or controlling those around you (“it’s all about me and what I want”)? Are you prepared to make major changes if you are? • Do you lack confidence and don’t know where to start? What is it that has caused you to be like this? • Are you waiting for something external to happen before changing, like winning the lottery, getting the right partner, or having more of what you want? • Do you feel more secure staying where you are? If so, why? • Does the thought of change terrify you? Why? Steps towards positive change: Before working through the following steps, it is important to define your limits and set your boundaries with regards to other people. By not having personal boundaries, you leave yourself open to manipulation. There are two kinds of limits you should set for yourself: The first one is to decide what kind of behaviour you will tolerate from another person before taking action or disengaging from the relationship. The second is to decide what actions you are both willing and able to take so you can take better care of yourself. 1. Make a list of what you would like to or need to change to be happy. 2. Give yourself some quiet time to start to listen from within. Make sure you are alone with your thoughts and slow them down. Jot down any of your thoughts and feelings around the things you want to change and note if they are positive or negative. Change any negative thoughts to positive ones. Do this for a week and notice how small changes begin to take place, beginning from your sense of wellbeing to your relationships. 3. Take just one of your bad habits and physically change it by having a replacement activity on hand. For instance, if you give in to a drink, or give your partner a hard time, when you feel Dr Mary Casey (Doctorate of Psychology) is founder and CEO of Casey Centre, a leading integrated health and education service. Her latest book, The Healing Power of Truth ($29.95), is available from www.findyourtruth.com.au stressed, replace it with something else or write down your feelings. 4. Once you have begun working on changing your unhealthy patterns that keep you stuck, then start to let go of some of the anger, frustration, bitterness, regret, resentment or whatever you identify as the hurt that is holding you back from healing. 5. Choose the right person to share your struggle to change with. That is, someone who supports you, and who isn’t struggling themselves. Be sure to tell the person that you don’t need them to do anything other than listen. Avoid discussing health problems and don’t overload them with your whole life’s troubles because you will lose their attention. Stay focussed on your changes and how it feels for you. 6. If your plan for change is working, then keep doing it no matter how slow it seems. If you are sincerely trying these steps and they are not working, seek professional help such as counselling or therapy. 7. Challenge yourself by avoiding obsessively talking about your problems. Rather, focus on talking about how you are changing. 8. Be aware of your motives for doing and saying things. At the end of the day, check on your thoughts, feeling, your attitude and level of inner peace. Work on improving them the next day.